Cosmo's 10 Best Weight Loss Tips -- 26 June 2017

Snack but smartly

Diet to shrink yourself

And give away that extra space that’s no longer yours

Don’t you know that space belongs to a man anyway?

Step on the scale daily

Play the numbers game

I’m at war with my body

As the numbers go down, there’s less of me to fight

Reach for your cell

Call your friend crying from the dressing room

Angry red welts

Poured into clothes and then good luck with breathing

Visualize yourself thin

Visualize yourself thin

Visualize yourself thin

If I don’t make these sacrifices

Just for the privilege of taking up space
Then their disdain is the rent I pay for the space of my body

Don't -- 9 September 2016

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you”

They say

But I’m not being fed, I’m being strangled

Am I supposed to say thank you when the grip loosens?

“Don’t fight fire with fire”

They say

But the fire of steel traps differs from the fire in the eyes of the ensnared

Am I supposed to be polite to those that wish me harm?

“There is no excuse for violence”

They say

But violence isn’t violence when it’s self-defense

Am I supposed to idly sit by and accept the faults of my abusers?

The only fault in violence is in my retaliation

Because my anger is the only thing people are mad about

Honey Bees - 18 February 2016

You know it’s true what they say

That beauty may open doors

But they only lead you to cliff edges

Same rules, same game, new look

So like a bee submerged in honey

You’ll find me face down

In the consequence of my actions

Because I don’t want to play this game anymore

So beauty may open doors

But I’ve just found a new place to drown

Ace -- 15 January 2015

The culture today makes me feel broken.
Everything is "Sex Sells"
When really it's all just objectification
Wrapped up in a nice porn package.
Our culture is overtly sexual:
Sexual attraction, sexual desire
With articles like "How to have better sex"
"How to sexually please your man [or woman]"
And "Spice up your sex life"
Sex has become both the commodity and the currency
I am rendered utterly incapable
Of expressing appreciation or recognition
Towards another person's beauty
Without sexual connotation.
Please bear with me as I try to bypass
The sexualization that is a product of our culture
And acknowledge sensual, romantic, and aesthetic attractions
As valid without needing sex.
I can find someone attractive without wanting sex.
I may say someone's hot
Only because our society has made it impossible
To enjoy beauty without expressing it in a sexual way
I'm doing my best given the circumstances.

All This Heartbreak - 9 July 2013

When you’re young

You’re supposed to feel invincible –

Not insignificant.

Yet, I feel so worthless

Just me and my insignificant dreams

I've heard it’s been said that dreams only die

When you stop chasing them

But what happens when you never actually start?

All because others make you doubt

Because they’ve been broken by their own lost dreams

Or are vindictive

They don’t care if they asphyxiate your dreams

And make it all seem so trivial

What a terrible thing to learn so young –

All this heartbreak and insecurity

Snippet #33

“It's not premarital sex if you never intend to get married,” Jonáš wagged his eyebrows suggestively. 

But despite the playfulness of his words, there was a sadness in his face. We both knew there was a good chance that neither of us could get married, even if we wanted to.

Snippet #29

 “Why is romance the only love that matters to people? What about the friendships? Doesn’t that count? Does the feeling of a friendship so meaningful that you feel it deep inside of you and know that they are a part of you and you them, does that not count? What makes romance so fucking special? What makes romance better? It’s easier to replace a love interest than it is to replace a friend that understands you without words, that knows how to make you laugh when no one else can, that you can tell your secrets to and not be judged. I just don’t get it.”

Snippet #15

“I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS!” Jonáš screamed. His voice boomed in the small space. For a small man, he could sure project. Everyone wore shocked expressions. Sophie looked at me, her eyes huge.

Marek was the only one brave enough to ask what Jonáš didn’t sign up for. And by brave enough, I mean that he, Sophie and I had a silent eye conversation as to who would step up.

“I was born with choices, yes? Then why do I feel like I have to work my ass off in school for basically my entire childhood when I could’ve been out using my imagination and eating Play-Doh like the idiot child I was, only to then go to university where I work my ass off just to get a job that I know I won’t like? Huh? I DON’T SEE THE POINT!”

“Preach, my brother.” Sophie held her hands up in mock prayer. 

Snippet #5

Seeing my face, she felt the need to explain, “When I say you need to change, I don’t mean anything by it. You don’t need to be fixed; you’re not broken. But, you will age. You will get old. It’s your choice: Do you want laugh lines or frown lines? Personally, I can’t wait for all the laugh lines I’ll have. It’ll say that I had fun, you know? Your face is a road map to your life. When you’re old, what do you want your face to say about you?”

“That I’ve aged well.”

“I think you’re missing the point.” Sophie smiled.

“Unfortunately, that’s what we’re taught to believe. What does that say about us as a society? That we’d rather be beautiful than have anything of value to share with the world?” Visions of beautiful, thin blonde girls I could never be littered the media in Tashkent; TV commercials, ads, billboards, magazines, movies.

Marek snorted, “That’s because society can see better than it can think.”