Kerosene -- 16 October 2016

My veins are filled with kerosene

Your breath tickles my face

And I ignite

I feel all my anger in my head

And my veins

And my hands

But I feel love in my chest

I’ve never been religious

But I see heaven when you touch me

With your cool hands on my overheated skin
And all I can think is god and yes

Don't -- 9 September 2016

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you”

They say

But I’m not being fed, I’m being strangled

Am I supposed to say thank you when the grip loosens?

“Don’t fight fire with fire”

They say

But the fire of steel traps differs from the fire in the eyes of the ensnared

Am I supposed to be polite to those that wish me harm?

“There is no excuse for violence”

They say

But violence isn’t violence when it’s self-defense

Am I supposed to idly sit by and accept the faults of my abusers?

The only fault in violence is in my retaliation

Because my anger is the only thing people are mad about

Fools In Love -- 31 August 2016

People always say that love makes fools of us all, and looking at you I can finally understand why.

You make a total idiot of me.

You turn my tongue, so used to witticisms and clever retorts, to a stuttered, mushy mess that must be reflected on my face every time you speak. My heart tries to jump past my throat in an attempt to get to you, as if offering itself upon an altar at your feet.

So instead I keep my mouth closed.

I stare at you, a deer in the headlights, caught between freedom and a nightmare. Too afraid to say what I want, to paint you through elegant and fictionalized prose to immortalize you, to win you over. I’m acting like a child, and just want to lick you to claim you as mine.

But instead I keep my mouth closed.

You make a total idiot of me.

You make me love being burned. I live for the sharp, stinging pain in my hands, anything to hold onto the jagged metal edges you line yourself with. I wish my hands were bigger so I could hold all of you.

Do I love you, or is that the adrenaline talking?

Would you stay if I were to touch you with shaking hands, unsure like the legs of a newborn giraffe? Would I be enough in my own uncertainties? No matter how many times I try to tell the truth, it never seems to be enough, I’m never enough.

So instead of telling you all these things, I hide them away, and pray that someday I’ll have the courage to make a total idiot of myself and tell you: We are all fools in love, please forgive my foolishness.

The Silence Was Suffocating -- 1 May 2016

I never understood his poetry

The way he paints pictures

But never says what he means

My bones ache with my uncertainty

My lungs beg for air

As I hold in everything I wish I could say

The words are trying to claw their way out

Tearing apart my throat until I taste blood

I need to reclaim my backbone

Remove the wishbone I’ve put in its place

If I die, it’ll be by internal combustion

And my compliance was what lit the fuse.

Overwatering -- 1 May 2016

I still remember

When I was the little girl

That always overwatered plants

Filling their pots to the brim

And watching the water overflow to the floor

Making small droplets on the carpet

That would soak into my socks as I ran away.

Yesterday, my potted cactus dried up and died.

I’ve become less nurturing than the desert.
My love withers and slaughters.

What happened to the little girl

Overwatering because she didn’t know when to stop giving?

Who did this to me

And why did I let them?

People Aren't Homes - 18 February 2016

You said that your love was mine

So I built my home in you

Your ribs, like walls, were sturdy

Well-built, protective, and full

Your heart, like a hearth, glowed

And kept me warm and secure

Your eyes, like windows, painted pictures

Of what I thought I could have

Your voice, like belonging, sang songs

That made me feel like I finally found a place

Your arms were like coming home

They gave me a place to rest

But I now know why they say

That you shouldn’t build your home in a person

Because now it seems my house is burning down

Your hands tore everything apart

Brick by brick, bone by bone

Until all that was left was the rubble and me

Honey Bees - 18 February 2016

You know it’s true what they say

That beauty may open doors

But they only lead you to cliff edges

Same rules, same game, new look

So like a bee submerged in honey

You’ll find me face down

In the consequence of my actions

Because I don’t want to play this game anymore

So beauty may open doors

But I’ve just found a new place to drown